A Pat On The Back

Yesterday we planned to take a trip to IKEA today. We got up and got ready this morning with the goal of getting to IKEA and shopping and then eating lunch in the little cafe. I was pleasantly surprised when everything went according to plan. I like having a plan and following it. The kids were great and behaved wonderfully! By the end of our shopping time they were getting hungry and a restless. The line for the cafe wasn't too bad, but all the seats were taken. I stood by with Levi in my arms and the older kids, the umbrella stroller and all our items (including a rug) filling up the double stroller. I watched for the first sign of someone finishing their food to pounce on a table (yes, I was that person..). A family left a ton of trash and very dirty table behind so after finding a place to park the stroller I got  the kids in their chairs and started to clean up someone else's mess. Jordan got all the food and brought it to us, and then of course Jayden needed to go potty. So I ran him to the bathroom and when we came back I had him take off his coat. As I was going to put it in the stroller another family who had no chairs was trying to stand by the table I had the stroller parked near. I apologized for my stroller being in the way and told her if I could find another place for it I would move it, but there just isn't anywhere for it to go. She complained to her husband that I was hogging two spaces and after he apologized to me they left. Not gonna lie, it took a lot for me to just shut up and go back to my table. As I stood and ate my food I noticed a man sitting alone at a table full of drinks and cinnamon rolls. We ate our food and again the kids were doing great, so we got them the ice cream cones we had been bribing them with all day. A woman sitting near us complimented us on how well our kids were behaved. She told us that "we run a tight ship"...

Before I had kids I kind of knew I would be a strict parent. It annoyed me when kids misbehaved and didn't obey their parents. I can't stand when kids are disrespectful to their parents! I would watch other parents with their kids and make mental notes on things I would do and wouldn't do. Since we became parents at 21 years old, I feel like we have something to prove to people. It's been a struggle for me because when someone praises us for doing a good job it boosts my pride a little bit, but when someone looks down on us for the way our kids are behaving it knocks me down twice as much. 

Back to IKEA... as we were cleaning up our mess and getting the kids ready to go the gentleman that was sitting near us stood up and shook Jordan's hand. He told Jordan that he had to congratulate him on how well behaved our children were. He has 4 young kids of his own and knows what a handful they can be and just wanted to tell him we are doing a good job. Then he gave Jordan a pat on the back.

It felt so good for a complete stranger to acknowledge all our hard work. Parenting is hard... Discipling is hard.. Keeping our word is hard... But today just showed me how it will all pay off!!

4 Months Old

Levi will actually be 5 months old next week, but I waited to write this blog until after his 4 month check up.

Well his weight gain continues to be a slow process. I thought we were in the clear and then I took him back to the lactation consultant and he only gained 2 or 3 oz in 2 weeks. That was 6 days ago. When I took him to the doctor today he had gained another 4oz in 6 days. So I was super encouraged. I've been supplementing about twice a day to give him more calories and try to get his weight up. The dr and lactation have encouraged me to supplement after every feeding.

This has been a big month for Levs. He's cut his first two teeth (just like his siblings, right at 4 months), he's been rolling like crazy and he's tried rice cereal a couple of times.

 4 Month rocking chair photo

(I was super good about taking Gabriella's photo every month... 

and poor Levi I'm just now starting at 4 months!)

 check out the teefers! :)

 First time actually trying rice cereal 

(Jordan was helping our neighbor, so I took the picture and fed him at the same time.)

Obviously, he's not really a fan.. ha!

Second time around Jordan fed him and he still didn't like it!

The doctor suggested trying rice cereal to help give Levi more calories, but he's not a fan at all. So we're not pushing it. I'm not in a hurry to get him on solids anyways. 

My baby is not a newborn anymore. Makes me sad. I love that fresh out of the womb newborn baby stage, it doesn't last long enough. :( I'm not ready for him to grow up. I love every time he falls asleep while I'm holding him or nursing him, the sweet little coos and gummy smiles. 

Here Comes Winter!

Sunday night we watched the weather forecast and they said the HIGH for Monday would be 10 degrees... yes TEN DEGREES. That's freaking cold! :) So I decided to not take the kids to the library for their usual music and movement class and we stayed home in our warm jammies all day.. until about 4:30pm when Jordan came home and the kids were so stir crazy that I couldn't take it anymore and we all got dressed and went to Chick-Fil-A for dinner. (Side note: You may ask, "What does a vegetarian eat at Chick-Fil-A?" and I will tell you.... a milkshake and fries! haha no, not the healthiest meal... but oh well!)

 This is what subzero temperatures looks like. 

 The kids love the Christmas window decorations

By Wednesday it was much warmer out (in the 30's!). So I bundled up the older kids and took them outside to make a snowman. They loved it! We built his a body and then added twigs for his arms, rocks for his eyes and a carrot for his nose... he didn't have a mouth. :) The kids keep peeking out the window to make sure he hasn't melted.

My favorite part about being a mom is making memories with my kids. I'm learning that it's not about just putting an activity in front of them and saying, "Here, go play with this for awhile." But when I get down with them and play, they love it! Christmas time is so easy to make memories, but it's about making the opportunity to do it. 

Emotions Gone Haywire

Maybe it's postpartum, maybe its my birth control, maybe it's sleep deprivation, I don't know.. but I feel like my hormones are all out of balance. I'm a pretty emotional person as it is, so this is just over the top. I can pretty much cry over the smallest things or get angry over the smallest things. It's really annoying.

I'm beginning to realize that I need to make a choice about my emotions and how I allow them to control me. Parenting is hard enough as it is, but when emotions get in the way it makes it even harder. I want to be consistent in my parenting and disciplining, but it's very hard when I let my emotions take over.

I have to literally remind myself that I don't need to get emotional over something I watch on TV or when Jayden cries at preschool or because I didn't get to eat breakfast before church. Once I realize that I'm allowing my emotions to take over it's like I can see the situation clearly and gain my composure.

Another example is my relationship with my husband. Here is a situation from the other night: I was exhausted, I only had like 4 or 5 hours of sleep from the night before and it was late. We were watching Parenthood on Netflix and the episode ended. I wanted to go to bed, but Jordan insisted on watching one more episode. The kitchen still needed to be cleaned as well... So after watching about 3 minutes of the next episode I passed out on the couch. When it ended Jordan woke me up.. and I wasn't too happy about it. It was my fault that I didn't clean the kitchen and go to bed, I choose to sleep on the couch instead. Within the first 30 seconds of being awake I realized I could get really annoyed and angry about being so tired and just wanting to go to bed, or I could keep my mouth shut and do my chores.

I choose the ladder. It was hard. I just wanted to go off about how tired I was and how I didn't want to do the dishes and just be mean... but I didn't. And when I finally was in bed and ready to go to sleep I felt so much better about the situation.

Growing up I was always getting in trouble for my mouth... I had a bad problem of talking back and being ms. chatty cathy! My nick name at one point was motor mouth. But the Bible tells us that we need to control our tongue.

     "Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything." Proverbs 13:3

     "...be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry." James 1:19

Whether it's my children, my husband or some stranger on the street, I have to learn how to control my emotions and my tongue. I'm trying to set an example for my children to live by and I can't expect them to do as I say, not as I do. I have slip-ups and days where I allow my emotions to control me, but I'm trying to change that. I want to set the best example for my children that I can.

Sometimes You Have To Cheat..

So after another several days of pumping and supplementing with formula we went back to the lactation consultant's office to have Levi weighed. Good news, he gained 5oz in 5 days! That's a huge praise the Lord! The "cheating" part was that Levi had a poopy diaper when I was undressing him to weigh him... so she kept his diaper on and counted it towards his weight. If he would have pooped an hour after his appointment than he would have weighed more anyways... so whatever! ;) The LC said, "Sometimes you just have to cheat a little in life!" haha

On Thanksgiving I was really scared I would have to give up breastfeeding in order for Levi to gain weight and it honestly grieved my heart. I know it might sound silly to some people, but I'm really not ready to give it up. I'm so blessed with a wonderful friend who has gone through this exact same thing with one of her sons and she just sat and talked with me as I cried over the idea of weaning Levi at only 4 months.

It's funny to me how much my feelings toward breastfeeding have changed since Jayden was born. Jayden was 4 months old when I weaned him and it wasn't a big deal to me. I was ready to be done and it was just more convenient for all of us. Then Gabriella didn't give me an option so I stuck with it because I had to. And now with Levi I really want to breastfeed him for an entire year.

I've had to throw pretty much everything I know about babies and breastfeeding out the window. I'm not doing a schedule and I'm not deciding when he can or cannot eat. I'm going to let him eat whenever he seems hungry so that he gets milk whenever he wants. Also, the LC suggested "topping him off". So after I let Levi nurse until he's finished I'll give him 1oz of formula. Hopefully, this will help!

Back To Square One

After about a week and a half of trying to focus on Levi's feedings and making sure he was getting a full feeding, we went to the lactation specialist to have him weighed and see if we were progressing. Unfortunately, Levi is 2 ounces less than he was at his 2 month appointment. :(

So we're back to square one. I'm pumping every feeding until Friday when we'll go back to the LC office and have Levi weighed again. I'm also supplementing with formula when I don't pump enough milk. It's super frustrating. I just don't really understand why or how. I honestly don't feel like anything has changed, so why is this an issue?!

I really love working with the LC. She's very patient and understanding. Some things that she recommended were adding a lot of the "good fatty foods" to my diet. Examples: olive oil, oatmeal, greek yogurt, avocados, milk shakes, protein shakes, etc. I love all of those things, so that's not a problem... I'll take any excuse I can to eat more avocados! :)

After chatting with a friend of mine who loves talking about pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding she really encouraged me. She told me to pray over my breast, breast milk and Levi. And she encouraged me by reminding me that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. (I will praise Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:14) I believe that God can cause my body to make the milk I need to feed my son and that my milk will be enough in volume and enough nutrients so Levi can gain weight.

It's challenging for me to have to try this hard to have good milk when I JUST went through a year of breastfeeding with no problems. I know every child is different, but it's just frustrating to have such success and then to struggle.

And can I just say, I really don't enjoy pumping... at all. And formula spit up is so gross! ha!

One more thing. I know that breast milk is the best thing for my baby. I truly believe that. But if my son isn't benefitting from it and he's not gaining weight, than I'm okay with giving him formula. I'd rather not starve my child.

Kids Book Shelves

A while ago I saw this post on pinterest for kids book shelves made from ikea spice racks. I've really been wanting book shelves where the books' covers are facing out so the kids can see them. I've found that when they're on a regular book shelf the kids pull off every single book looking for the one they want. Since they can't read and they don't know what the book is simply by looking at the binding they make a huge mess looking for the one they want.

Anyways, while shopping at IKEA a few weeks ago I showed Jordan the shelves and asked him what he thought about using them for book shelves. Of course his first response was, "I can build something better than that". Well that's great, but after I factor in the cost of materials + the time it would take him to build it + plus him ACTUALLY COMPLETING this project I really just wanted to buy the shelves that day. But I know Jordan really likes to take on these projects and they always come out great!

I was very surprised that it didn't take him very long to build them. It cost $13 and he was able to assemble them and hang them in only a couple hours. He also stained them to match their beds and dresser.

Check it out!

The kids love them! They are able to find the book they want and even better, they're able to put the books back by themselves!

A Day Of Firsts..

Today was a day of firsts in the Wertzbaugher family.

I noticed this morning that Levi is in fact getting his first tooth... It will probably be here right as he turns 4 months, just like his siblings. I can't believe it. He seems way too little to have his first tooth. I still feel I should be counting his age in weeks, not months. These kids just grow too fast.

Levi had another "first" today. He got his first hair cut. He had this awkward area of hair on the crown of his head that was like 2 inches longer than the rest of his hair and so Jordan and I cut it off tonight. The sentimental side of me wanted to wait until he had a lot more hair to cut so it would be a little more impressive for his baby book, but we still got a little patch of hair to go in a baggy. haha

And lastly, we had a very scary first. Jordan dropped me, Gabriella and Levi off at Target to start grocery shopping while he and Jayden went to Home Depot. We finished our grocery shopping and we were checking the baby clearance for pants for Gabri. I had just told her to get off the self where all the stroller boxes are, I looked back at the pants picked up her size and when I looked back for her.... she was gone. Every parents worst nightmare... I lost my daughter at Target. I figured she was on the other side of the display so I strolled the cart over and she wasn't there. I went in circles looking for her for about 3 minutes and then told an employee what happened. She sent out a "code yellow" with Gabriella's description. About 30 seconds later I found another employee looking for my daughter and over the walkie-talkie they announced that they had found her and she was with my husband.... I was so confused! It turns out Gabriella was in the dollar section and saw Jordan and Jayden walk by. She sweetly said, "Hi Daddy!". Jordan looked around and didn't see me so they started heading towards the women's clothing when the employee that I first talked to said, "Oh you found her!". Jordan didn't realize she was ever lost. Then I turned the corner and had to explain the whole thing to him.

Praise the Lord nothing happened to her. I was so frantic and just praying asking God to bring her to me. It was seriously one of the most scariest things I've ever experienced as a mother. Another lesson learned today: NEVER TAKE YOUR EYES OFF A 2 YEAR OLD!

Update On Levi

After a rather dull doctor's appointment, the pediatrician recommended that we speak with a lactation consultant. It was good to hear that Levi is in good health and that there isn't anything wrong with him and he actually was up to 13lbs 2oz (up 3 oz).

I decided to work with the lactation consultants from the hospital that my older kids were born at because I really enjoyed working with them the first two times. I filled her in on my situation and what was going on with Levi. She asked me to pump for 24 hours to get an idea of how much I was producing. It was a long 24 hours. I don't enjoy pumping and washing bottles, but again, it was good to know where I was at. I consistently got about 4oz, which she said was a good amount for a 3 month old. So we came to the conclusion that my milk is fine and the problem is most likely distracted and rushed feedings. Some time next weekend we'll take him to the lactation consultant's office and have him weighed and talk about how things are going. It's so great to have those free resources available!

I'm so thankful for the mommy friends I have and all their helpful advice. All the support I've received about this has been overwhelming and so comforting. A friend of mine gave me some mother's milk tea and let me tell you, that stuff WORKS! I've had two cups of tea since last night and my milk production has gone up quite a bit! So I'd highly recommend it to any other breastfeeding mom.

The biggest thing right now is that I'm aware of the problem and having that at the front of my mind will be the biggest factor with Levi's weight gain. I feel bad that I haven't made his eating times a priority and I've allowed other things to get in our way, but lesson learned.

Levs is still a very happy and active baby. And since he's been getting full feedings he's sleeping SO much better, last night he slept from 10pm-6am!!!  A full tummy really makes a difference.

Thanks again for all your help!!!

Levi's Weight

At Levi's two month appointment he weighed 12lbs 14oz. Last week at our WIC appointment he weighed 12lbs 15oz. I couldn't exactly remember how much he weighed at his last dr. appointment so I called to ask and talk to them about his weight gain or lack there of. I've noticed over the last couple weeks that he seemed little and his clothes are kind of big on him instead of him filling them out. With Levi being my third child I know what to look for and I know what's normal and what isn't. So far normal has been steady weight gain, like a pound (or more) a month.

After calling the doctor's office and realizing that he's only gained one ounce in the last month I began to worry, as any mom would. Levi has been exclusively breast fed. He's had a bottle maybe 3 times so far, so I don't truly know how much he's getting to eat at each feeding. I just assumed it was enough. I didn't have any problems breastfeeding Gabriella and to be honest, she was quite chunky during that time. I'm not used to having skinny babies!! It's hard not to feel guilty for Levi not gaining weight. I'm his source of food, obviously I am the problem here, right? It's hard not to feel insecure about myself as a mom when something like this happens.

The nurse suggested pumping to see how much milk I'm producing and then today I'm taking Levi in to have him weighed, examined and then I'll feed him and they'll re-weigh him after he eats to see how much milk he's consuming. I pumped twice yesterday and both times got about 4 ounces. I think 4 ounces is a good amount for a 3 month old...

So then my mind starts to figure out what the problem is and how to solve it....

-Are we too distracted during feedings?? Should I pump and then give him a bottle to make sure he's actually getting a full feeding?

-Is my milk bad? Will I have to switch to formula? --this totally makes me want to cry. I really enjoy breastfeeding and the bond I feel from it. It's a very short time that I get to breastfeed my child and I don't want it cut it even shorter.

-Is everything okay with Levi??

-Is Levi burning more calories than he's consuming? Should we start rice cereal or supplementing with formula?

These are all questions I'm sure the doctor can help me with. It's just hard being a mom and not knowing what to do. And even worse, feeling like you're some how failing. Any advice?

Getting Out There

I've been "getting out there" lately. I'm tired of me and the kids being home all day and sometimes never even leaving the house. I need that social interaction and let's face it, Facebook and Pinterest isn't enough! So last Sunday I signed the kids up for story time at the library for Monday. Well that day our refrigerator broke and Jordan was home sick with a  stomach bug. So I ended up taking just Jayden and Gabriella to the library and left Levi and Jordan home to fix the refrigerator. It was the perfect way to ease ourselves back into things after having Levi. I was able to catch up with a mom that I met about a year ago and I realized how much we all enjoy our library visits. I've decided I need to "buck up little campers" and make going to the library a priority. This week I took all 3 kids to the library for their "music and movement" class. I decided it will be a better class for us because the parents just sit and watch and the kids follow the teacher and dance with her. I was able to hold Levi and enjoy watching the kids dance without being pulled in 3 different directions. It was a success!

I've been looking into mom groups in my area, but haven't really found one that I really want to go to. They all seem to cost money and honestly, we can't afford any extra things right now. So I was going to call some churches in town to see if they have a women's bible study or a mom's group. I called one church and no one answered, so I decided to call the church that has an AWANA program that we took Jayden and Gabri to for awhile. It turns out they have a mommy's coffee group with FREE child care and FREE coffee.. and not just coffee from a pot, but like STARBUCKS kind of coffee... like mochas and frappuccinos!! Side note- since I quit my job to be a stay at home mom (about 2 years ago) I've probably had starbucks less than 10 times.. maybe like 5 times. So we went to our first meeting today and it was great. I left feeling totally encouraged and empowered. We talked about discipling and how we feel about it and what the Bible says about it. I really feel like these are women that I can relate to and they are going through the same things as me. Plus, my kids are able to get social interaction themselves! It's great all around!

In less than 2 weeks Jayden will be starting a preschool class at the Rec Center. I'm thankful Jordan will be home for Thanksgiving break so he can go with us to drop Jayden off for the first time.

I'm looking forward to having a busy schedule and things for us to do besides sit at home all day.

Best Daddy

Jordan is very fortunate that his work follows the school district. So when they have a day off, so does he... including SNOW DAYS!! Today was one of those wonderful snow days!! This morning I let him sleep in and when he came down stairs we were still eating breakfast. I took Gabriella up stairs to use the potty and while we were gone Jayden put his sweet little hand on Jordan's shoulder and said, "You're the best daddy in the whole world!" When we came downstairs Jordan told me what Jayden said. 

When Jayden was born Jordan and I were both only 21 years old. We were young and Jordan didn't have very much experience with kids and people would tease him about becoming a dad. We both had a lot to learn about becoming parents. But today as I listened to the kids laughing as they were playing with their daddy and how excited they were to spend the day with him, it made me think that fatherhood has come early and fast in his life but he's turned out to be a pretty incredible dad. We still have lots to learn, but we make a great team and we have great kids. 

While Levi was napping Jordan took Jayden and Gabriella outside to play in the fresh snow. Here is a little peek at their sledding adventure! 

 I took the above picture through the glass door so it's kind of foggy, 

but Jayden's face is too cute not to share! 

The Kitchen

I won't claim to be a great cook or baker.. I follow the recipes and I don't go far from them.. but I love food. My Grandma Jean and my mom always tell people when I was a little girl I would look through the grocery ads and say, "mmmm... Strawberries....mmmmm....peaches...mmmm....bananas..". It's true. I love food. And it wasn't until about two years ago that I began to really enjoy baking and cooking.

We're a very frugal family. We don't have a huge grocery budget, so we have to improvise..a lot. But it's improvising that has made cooking fun. I love to Google substitutions for things a recipe calls for. For example- if you don't have butter or oil (or don't want to use them) you can sub. apply sauce. If you need whipping cream (not for whipping though.. more like for cream in a sauce) you can use milk and butter.

For my 23rd birthday we only had one car and Jordan had it for work and I was home with the kids and wanted to make myself a birthday cake. So I made my first Carrot Cake. It took me almost an hour to grate baby carrots by hand. I called Grandma Jean and I told her what I was doing and she laughed and then told me to use baby food carrots... I didn't do it. Carrot Cake will always remind me of her.

I learned how to make dry beans in a crock pot.. make my own pie crust from scratch, make bread, cinnamon rolls and pizza dough from scratch... I LOVE cooking from scratch now. There is something very gratifying about bringing all these ingredients together and making something that tastes a million times better than something that came from a box. I feel proud when I put something on the table that is made completely from scratch.

My kids love cooking too. They love to help in the kitchen and I love to let them help. My grandma Jean always let me help her in the kitchen. One time I was making brownies with Grandma and my cousin, Hailey. Hailey was 3 years old and told me that Grandma lets her crack the eggs all by herself... and I believed her. So I let her and then I spent the next 15 minutes making sure I got all the egg shells out of the batter. I know better now than to let me kids crack eggs by themselves.

I wanted to share a few recipes I've tried over the last couple of days. They're all new recipes and they turned out great.

PB&J Granola- If you like peanuts and peanut butter this is for you! The first time I made it I got distracted on pinterest and burned the granola. I was so mad I wanted to scream. Like I said before, we're a frugal family. We don't have money to be throwing away food!.. but it was burned so I had to. I tried it again the next day without the computer close by (so I wouldn't get distracted) and it came out perfectly. It only took about 20 or 25 minutes and I turned it every 5-7 minutes to keep it from burning.

Raspberry & Chocolate Chip Muffins- King Soopers had raspberries on sale 4/$5 so we had lots to use before they went bad. I thought these were delicious.

Vegetarian Tortilla Stew- I made a 1lb bag of black beans in the crock pot and added all the other ingredients as the beans cooked. It was so yummy!

whirlwind weekend

This has been an incredible weekend! It was so refreshing and very much needed!

Last weekend Jayden came up to his grandma and said, "Gramma you wanna spend the night with me?" In the sweetest voice you've ever heard! Of course she said yes! So we planned that Jayden and Gabri would have a sleepover Thursday night since grandma and Jordan had Friday off work.

After we dropped them off Jordan, Me and Levi all went to dinner with my mom, brother, his girlfriend and my aunt Renate to celebrate my brother's last day of mechanical school. We then went shopping at TJ MAXX and had a quiet night at home. Dinner and shopping without two toddlers was very enjoyable since we weren't having to chase anyone around the store/restaurant.

Friday we just hung out all day and cleaned, which was great to do nothing and purge the things we no longer need.

Saturday my mom, aunt Renate and cousin Hailey picked me and Levi up. We went to my brother and his girlfriend's baby shower for my unborn nephew. It was a nice girls day out.

Then for the whopper, SUNDAY! We went to church and the service was incredible! A group just went to the Open Heaven Conference at Bethel in Redding, CA. They shared their experiences and it was very powerful stuff. During church I got a text from one of our very best friends saying that him and his wife were in town from California. We went to my in-laws for lunch and got to visit with them for awhile. After we finished eating a fantastic meal (because my mother-in-law is an incredible cook), we headed to my nephew's 7th birthday party. We ate snacks, cookies, brownies and then went swimming (indoors). I love my family and it's so fun to be able to hang out all together. My kids love swimming! All my parent's kids and grandkids were there, my aunt and uncle and two of my cousins.

After the birthday party we went to my Grandpa Bill's baseball field and watched our friend's brother and his wife play baseball and sat and visited with their family for an hour.  It's so great to have friends that live out of state but when they come back it's like they haven't even been gone. It's been about 5 months since we last saw them and besides Brendan's long hair, nothing has changed. Our friendship with them is just as close.

If there is one thing I'm constantly learning and being thankful for, it's my family. I'm really learning the meaning of the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child". I was really arrogant when I first became a mom and thought I could do it all on my own. The more children I have the more I realize I need help and I WANT help. I'm so thankful our families all live so close and we're able to spend time with each other on a regular basis.

I'm blessed.

My Boy and His Momma

Last night I went to Zumba for the second time. This morning when I woke up I felt like my blood sugar was low or maybe dehydrated and even after eating and a couple glasses of OJ I'm still not feeling great. Jayden wanted to go play outside so I started going through the dryer to find his play clothes. As he was getting dressed I laid my head on the laundry basket full of clothes that are waiting to be folded and put away. Jayden asked me what was wrong and I told him I didn't feel good. He then started rubbing my back and laid his head on my shoulder. For several minutes we stayed like this and I enjoyed every second of it!

Moments like this remind me of how special a mom is to a little boy. I'm lucky I have two of these little guys to give me lots of love!

Potty Training The Second Time Around

At 33 months or 3 months before Jayden turned 3 (that's a lot of 3s)... we tried a new approach to potty training. Jordan came home from work and that day they had a speaker teaching the families he works with about potty training and sign language. One piece of advice she gave was to go to the store and let the kids pick out their new big kid undies. When Jordan got home he was all about this idea and I was not for it at all. It's not that I didn't want Jayden potty trained, but we already had 3 pairs of undies that were brand new and had never been used.

Later that day we went to the store and Jayden and Gabriella both picked out their new undies. As soon as we got home Jayden sat down of the potty and did his business for the first time. I had been trying to get him to potty for months and he would never "go". So you can imagine my surprise that all of a sudden he could just do it! Within a week Jayden was completely potty trained (including night time) and only had 3 or 4 accidents TOTAL.

Now almost 3 years old seems to be kind of old to still be wearing diapers, and believe me I was SO over changing his diapers! But after having such an easy time training him (since he pretty much did it himself) I think it was better to wait. He could walk up the stairs, open the bathroom door, undress himself, sit on the potty and flush all by HIMSELF.

This brings me to my next point - Gabriella. She actually started "going" on the potty before Jayden did. We would sit her down and she would just go. I couldn't believe it. I thought she would be potty trained before her older brother! I know girls potty train sooner than boys, but is it really worth it if she can't do everything else by herself (i.e. the undress, re-dressing, opening the door, etc.)??

A friend of mine told me Michelle Duggar (from 19 Kids And Counting) doesn't potty train her kids until they're capable of undressing and redressing themselves. I have to think that a mom of 19 kids has a pretty good idea of how to do things and I agree with her.

Lately, Gabri tells me "Go potty!" all the time. So every time I'll go and put her on the potty and she has only gone twice.  I know she's not ready yet because I've put her in her big girl panties and a dress (to help with undressing herself) and she just has accidents instead of going to the potty.

So what do I do? Do I keep taking her to the potty every time she asks and spend the next 6 months trying to potty train her? Or do I stop taking her even though she's asking me to go and wait until she's completely ready?

By the way, the little princess will be 2 in just 12 days!!!!!

I'm back!

First of all, thank you all so much for your love and support after my last blog. It was really hard in the beginning with 3 kids under 3 years old. I still have those rough moments where I wonder how I'm going to make it through the day without losing my sanity. But God is good and I am learning how to rely on him to be the best mother I can.

I'm starting to get the hang of this new life with 3 kids. Levi is now 2 months.. almost 2 and half months old. He's smiling all the time (Jordan calls him Mr. Smiler which always causes Levi to grin really big) and he's starting to coo! It's adorable! He's taking 3 naps a day which allows me plenty of time to spend with the older kids and a nap or alone time in the afternoon. However, he's still not sleeping through the night, he still gets up about 2 or 3 times to eat.

Jayden is completely in LOVE with Levi. He constantly comes up and kisses him and talks to him or gets him a car to "play" with. Lately he's been asking if Levi can sleep in his room with him. I think Jayden is ready to kick Gabriella out! Gabri is adjusting okay. She is definitely getting into the two year old phase.. if you know what I mean.. So we're having to teach her to obey and to what is okay and what's not okay. She is just as obsessed with Spider Man as Jayden is.  I think they'd watch it all day long if I'd let them.

I've trying to do preschool activities with the big kids. Some of things we've done are:

Putting pipe cleaners through colander

Picking up cotton balls with tweezers

Painting with peach pits

Somethings I want to do with the kids are:

Screwing bolts on to a screw

Rainbow pasta noodle necklaces

There are tons of things I've founded on pinterest.com and some blogs I follow.


While searching my local rec. center's website I found that they have a class for 3-4 year olds to help prepare them for preschool. It's only $24 for 6 weeks and Jayden will go twice a week for one hour each day. I can't wait to enroll him!

This past week I did something I haven't done in over 2 months.. I READ AN ENTIRE BOOK!! I can't tell you how nice it was to actually read a book... and finish it! I read The Help and I am hoping to watch the movie this weekend. Taking the time to read for myself was great. I need to take the time and do it more often. I feel like it's one thing I can do completely for myself. I can read at my own pace, I don't have to share the book with anyone, I get to mentally escape for a little while. I became an avid reader when I became a mom and I'm so thankful I did. Since I didn't care to read during my teenage years, I want to read some of the classics I've missed out on. I really want my kids to enjoy reading as much as I do. I think Gabriella will because she already loves to sit down and have books read to her.

Next of my list to read is "Three Cups of Tea" Has anyone read that yet?

Stationery card

Inky Chic Blue Birth Announcement

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No Joy

Warning: This is not a very positive post.

I realized today that I've lost my joy as a stay at home mom. I've been home for over a year and a half and it's been an up and down ride. There are days I wake up and I couldn't imagine having to go to work again and leave my kids with someone else. Then there are days where I would do anything just to get out of the house and go work and be productive and have a good chunk of time away from the kids.

Having a 3 year old, an almost 2 year old and a newborn feels like it's a bit more than I can handle right now. I really want to put Jayden in preschool because I think he NEEDS it. I think the social interaction, the learning environment and the time away from his siblings and me would be very beneficial for him. However, preschool tuition is not in our budget.. at all. So this leads me to my next question.. Is it time for this momma to go back to work?

I wouldn't want to work full time and I would want to work a schedule that would allow the kids to be home with Jordan so we don't have to pay for daycare. I'm really to the point now where I feel like something needs to change in our situation. I'm tired of struggling every single month. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck and barely getting by. I don't want to just survive, I want to thrive. (pardon the cheesy line, but it's true.)

Maybe part of this is me still adjusting to being a mother of 3. I'm realizing that Jayden needs to be doing more concentrated learning and activities, but with my hands full of the other two, his needs aren't being met. Even when I try to sit down and do some activity with him it seems like one of the other kids (or myself) needs something.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I don't want to feel like I can barely keep my head above water. I want to be that mom that teaches her kids to read and write and how to do math and does science experiments and activities, but I have no motivation to do any of it. Jayden is also to the point of not taking a nap everyday, which means I could be doing stuff with him in the afternoon, but by golly! I need time to MYSELF. And I'm not talking about going the the grocery store alone for 30 minutes after Jordan gets home from work. I need a serious time out from mommy world.

Last week my sister stopped by for about 2.5 minutes just to pick up some stuff I had for her. I can't tell you how badly I needed that little time just to see another adult and chat... even if it was seriously less than 5 minutes. This is how desperate I have become.

I'm sorry for the negative post, I just really needed to get this off my chest. Also, I promise to do something about my attitude and situation. I don't like who I am right now as "the grouchy mom" and I want to change.

Birthday Boy!

My first born turned 3 years old over the weekend. I really wanted to do a cool birthday party for him this year, but it just didn't happen. Hopefully next year! :)

Friday I got my wisdom teeth extracted. I've had this appointment schedule for awhile, so when I was planning his party I made sure that we weren't going to be doing anything over the top. We had it at a park in our neighborhood with just family and some of our closest friends.

Jayden requested doughnuts for his birthday breakfast, chocolate cupcakes and watermelon for his party. So that is what he got.

Since Jayden is really into hotwheels and the Cars movies, most of his presents consisted of cars in some form or fashion. He was so excited he didn't even eat dinner that night because he just wanted to play with his toys. It also took him an hour and half to go to sleep because he was so wound up from the days activities... and probably all the sugar.

Here are few pictures from the party.

Jayden's response to, "Give me a big smile"...

Gabriella eating a sucker from her auntie Erika

Levi enjoying the party

Erika, Steven and Jordan

Blogs and Inspiration

I love blogs. I've become "obsessed" according to my husband. The thing I really like about blogs is taking other peoples design ideas, diy's, recipes and parenting tips. So I wanted to share with you a few things I've tried from other people's blogs.

1. Homemade mac and cheese.

This is the easiest recipe for homemade mac and cheese. Honestly, you won't find an easier one. My sister found this one and shared it with me.

• 3 c. Whole Milk
• 1 1/2 c. Elbow Pasta
• 1 c. Cheddar Cheese

In a medium sauce pan place milk and pasta over medium heat. Stir for 15 minutes (or until pasta is al dente). Add cheese and stir. Salt and pepper to taste.

That's it. It's super easy. We eat this about once a week and my kids love it.

2. Homemade cheese crackers.

I got this recipe from smilemonster.blogspot.com from one of their link parties. It's like homemade gold fish crackers, but better.

• 4 Tbsp. Butter
• 1 1/2 c. Cheddar Cheese
• 2/3 c. Flour
• 1/8 tsp. Onion Powder

Combine in a food processor. Roll out dough on a cutting board. Using a very small cookie cutter cut out your crackers. Place on a cookie sheet and bake for 12-15 minutes at 350 degrees.

*I don't have a really small cookie cutter, so I used the star shape and then cut the triangles off and cooked the triangles. It takes forever, so I really need to invest in a tiny cookie cutter for this recipe.

3. DIY Nursing Pads.

I hate buying the boxes of nursing pads at the store for $10. I knew this time around I wanted reusable, cloth nursing pads. So I started looking last night and found them to be super expensive. So I googled "DIY nursing pads and found a blog that had directions. The best part is that the pads were free to make and I can reuse them.

You'll need:

• 8- 5 inch circles of flannel. (Cut up a receiving blanket)
• Scissors
• Sewing machine

1. Take 4 of your circles and place them all together.
2. Sew a straight stitch around the edge of your circle.
3. Next trim the excess fabric.
4. Do a zig-zag stitch around the edge to prevent the pads from fraying.
5. Starting from the center, sew a straight stitch all the way to the edge of the pad, creating a dart.

Jordan and I had a friendly little competition to see who could make these better. I think I won. Although mine aren't a perfect circle, they're prettier I think. I now have two sets of these! :)

The nursing pads I made..

The nursing pads Jordan made

4. DIY Swaddle Blanket.

When Jayden was a newborn a friend of ours let us borrow " The Happiest Baby On The Block" DVD. This guy gives you 5 tips to calm a crying baby. I bet Youtube.com has the video if you're interested. Anyways, one of the tips is to swaddle your baby. And not this little wrap the baby nicely swaddle. I mean you swaddle the baby so they can't get their arms out it's so tight. We've done this with all of our kids and it's worked for all of them. They sleep better when they're swaddled. And if you say, "My baby doesn't like to be swaddled." It's probably because you're not doing it tight enough. :) Or maybe they don't like it.. I don't know. Ha!

To make your own swaddle blankets that are big enough to swaddle a newborn- 3 month old you need:

• 1 yard of flannel fabric
• a sewing machine/serger

When I had Gabriella I had my sister use her mother-in-law's serger and serge the edges of the material, but when Levi was born her mother-in-law had just moved and their stuff was still in boxes... or at least that's what my sister told me... :) So I put my husband to work and he got out our little dinky sewing machine. All you have to do is a zig-zag stitch around the edge of the material. (which if you ask my husband, he'll tell you that he invented that stitch.. he didn't though, so don't believe him.)

5. Design inspiration

Ohdeedoh.com

I love taking "tours" of other people's homes and getting inspiration from them. I literally spent hours looking at this site last week.

First Two Weeks

It's been 13 days since Levi joined our family. I'm so happy that he's here and we're all adjusting well to the new addition. I love that his name means "joined in harmony", I think it fits perfectly.

The first week home was great. Jordan got the entire week off of work. Also some of our friends and family brought us meals everyday. This is the first time anyone has ever organized meals for us after we had a baby and I can't say enough about what a huge blessing it was.

The sleepless nights haven't been too bad. I think I've been running off adrenaline because I'm fine until I sit down and relax for longer than 30 minutes. If I sit for too long I feel like I won't be able to get up or keep my eyes open!

The kids have been amazing. Gabriella really loves her baby brother. She's constantly asking to hold him and kiss him. Jayden wasn't as excited the first week, but I've been very impressed with how affectionate he's been this second week. He randomly walks up to Levi and kisses him gently on the head or strokes his arm. We were in the car the other day and Levi was hungry but we were still about 20 minutes from home so he was very upset. Jayden grabbed his pacifier and started trying to put it in Levi's mouth. It was precious. He was very sweetly saying, "come on, open, open. It's okay Levi."

Breastfeeding is going great. Levi hasn't had any formula and I don't think I'll have to supplement since I've been able to pump and freeze milk. It is very interesting having two curious toddlers when I'm nursing or pumping. They ask some funny questions. They also want to help... which can be slightly awkward. :)

And for some big news..... The kids have been sharing a room since Tuesday!!! Jordan decided it was time for Gabriella to sleep in her big girl bed. The first couple nights were a little rough on both the kids, but surprisingly it's been harder on Jayden than has been on Gabri. I've been putting Gabri in her crib for nap time still because Jayden doesn't always go to sleep right away and takes much shorter naps, so until I feel up to the challenge of getting them both to nap together, I'm letting her have the crib.

Being home alone with all three kids hasn't been too bad. It's actually been easier than I thought. I even took them all out by myself! We only went to my mom's house, but I still did it all by myself! :) Maybe next week we'll venture out to the store or the library?!

Levi's Birth Story

Well he's finally here and here's how he came to be.

Thursday (7/21/11) I was supposed to be home alone with the kids while Jordan went to band practice. I decided to take them on a nice long walk and then a trip to the park to help wear out their high energy levels. As we were walking up to the house Jayden pointed out that daddy was home. We went into the backyard through the gate and I was trying to get Gabriella, her shoes, my water bottle and my cell phone. Gabriella was poopy, I had to pee and I was really interested as to why Jordan was home. As I stepped onto the the back door steps I lost my balance and fell holding all the things mentioned above. I thought I landed on Gabri's arm so I kept saying, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I got up, opened the back door and got everyone inside while trying to catch my breath. Jordan came over and after I explained what happened he pointed out my elbow was bleeding. He took me upstairs and cleaned my wound and we got the kids put to bed. I spent the evening on my exercise ball trying to get comfortable after my fall. I had been reading online about using the exercise ball to get the baby into proper position and it was a huge relief both before labor and during.

The next day we took the kids to the new water park in town. It's so much fun to take them to places like that! I was really glad that we were able to take them one more time before the baby was born. We got a pizza for lunch and then I had to go to my 39 week check up.

I had been going back and forth on the idea of having the doctor strip my membranes, so when she offered I said yes. I gained 35 pounds and everything with the baby looked good and I was 5cm dilated and he was at a -3 station.

That night we had a special game night planned with our neighbors, my sister-in-law and her boyfriend and a family from his church. We had dinner and played the game "Pit", which is a lot of fun and I highly recommend it. I had been having contractions all throughout dinner and while we were playing games. I timed them and they weren't coming often enough or regularly enough to be real labor contractions, so I just enjoyed the night.

When we got home I cleaned the kitchen, picked up the living room and took a shower. When I got in bed I noticed the contractions were coming a lot closer together and when I laid down they intensified A LOT! They were coming every 6 minutes so I called my doctor who said I should come on in. This was around midnight.

We got the kids out of bed and in the car headed to my mother-in-law's house. We showed up on her doorstep at 12:30am to drop off the kids. I felt kind of silly going to the hospital at this point because I wasn't constantly in pain and the contractions kind of slowed down. The whole time I just kept thinking, I hope they don't send me home after all this!

(Right after we got to the hospital, feeling pretty good)

Once at the hospital they took us into a labor and delivery room and got us all checked in. I asked the nurse if they were going to send me home and she just said, I hope not! :) I put the gown on and she checked me. I was still 5cm and about 100% effaced and the contractions were every 4 minutes. After we were all set up I decided to take a bath thinking it might help ease the contractions. I probably stayed in there for 30 minutes but I didn't think it really helped.. mostly because I didn't want to be laying down. I wish I could have been in a really big hot tub. I got out and got on the birthing ball. This was by far my favorite method of coping with the pain. Jordan and the nurse kept trying to convince me to not use the epidural and I was willing to try it. (At this point I was wishing I had read up on how to go through labor and delivery without drugs and maybe with a midwife.) I had to get on the monitors for awhile so while I was laying in bed I tried to sleep. I kept hearing crying and thought I was hearing things until the woman in the room next to me started screaming, moaning, yelling, etc. I know this sounds really terrible, but I couldn't stop laughing. I've only heard that kind of thing in the movies so to hear it in real life was pretty entertaining... until I would get a contraction... then it wasn't funny anymore. :)

(Breathing through a contraction)

After 40 minutes of listening to her scream she finally delivered her baby, and I called the nurse to say I want that epidural now! I didn't want to end up like her! Luckily for me, that lady was the one who got the anesthesiologist on the labor and delivery floor, however he didn't make it in time for her. I was really thankful I got the epidural because I was so completely exhausted from all the stuff we did the day before that I needed to rest. The one thing I didn't like was the way it made me feel. I was tingly from head to toe, light headed, nauseous and like I need to scratch my skin like crazy! But I guess that's a small price to pay when I didn't want to feel the contractions anymore.

I got a couple hours of sleep and around 7:30am the dr. came in and broke my water. Less than an hour later I was complete. It only took me about 4 minutes to push out our new baby! I have to tell you, when he came out and Jordan announced it was a boy, it was almost more of a question! We were so sure at that point that we were having another girl that when we saw Levi's boy parts we were completely surprised. They laid him on my chest and we were able to just lay there skin to skin for an hour.

Everything went just as I wanted. I got to experience what it's like to go into labor naturally, I got to experience labor contractions without pitocin and Jordan was with me for the whole thing!

We were discharged from the hospital Sunday around 1pm. I was really thankful to be home with my other children and my husband since they had been at my in-laws all weekend. Life with 3 kids has been interesting. It's really not too different from having 2 kids. Right now we're all still adjusting to our new family life. It was great having Jordan home last week.

(Gabriella holding her new baby brother)

(Jayden was more interested in the "balloon" Grammie was blowing up)

Levi Cooper Wertzbaugher

8lbs 8oz

20 inches long.

July 23, 2011

8:41am

My Neighbors

We are coming up on the two year anniversary of living in our house and I am realizing more and more everyday how much I love living here.

Being a homeowner isn't always easy. We just had a terrible hail storm on Tuesday that caused a couple of holes in our siding and of course we'll be the ones to pay to have it fixed. We've had our fair share of broken pipes, leaking window, furnace breaking, toilets needing to be replaced, etc. but being a homeowner is totally worth it!

I didn't want to move to Brighton at first because it was so far from everything. It's just a small little farm town with not a lot going on. Now that is exactly what I love about it! It's nothing compared to my hometown of Broomfield and it certainly doesn't compare to Dallas (at all!), but it's quiet and I like it.

We only knew one family when we moved out here and the husband happens to be the worship leader at our church. We live about 5 or 6 houses away from each other. I can see their house from my couch, bed, kitchen, closet and office.

When we moved into our house I was pregnant with Gabriella and only a few week from my due date. After giving birth to her I became a stay at home mom. Sometimes being a stay at home mom can be rather lonely. I'm the type of person that needs interaction with other adults.

I can't tell you how many times I go over to visit my sweet neighbors and come back feeling totally refreshed. I'm so thankful for them and how they always open their home to my family. This past weekend Jordan was over helping Troy with a project he's working on for their backyard and as our families sat together in their living I realized what a deep love I have for the Warwicks. They're truly an amazing family. They've seen us and our house at our best and worst and love us just the same.

Today was just another day where I need a little time out of the house with some adult interaction, so I went running to Tirzah who gladly opened her home to us and sat and chatted with me for a couple hours. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Frustrated and Discouraged

I haven't written a blog in a while because I've been so busy trying to get this baby to come out. You'd think by the 3rd baby I would have learned that these little babies just come when they're ready and not before. All the silly things people say induces labor aren't helping me. The one thing I will continue to do is walk because I know that even if it doesn't jumpstart my labor, it will help with the position of the baby, it's exercise and it makes the kids tired so they take good naps! :)

I'm 4-5cm dilated and 50% effaced, so you'd think that pretty much anything would send me into labor. I'd had a lot of false labor which only results in a sore belly and back.

Jordan reminded me the other about how big our children are when they're born and that just made me all the more anxious to get this baby out of me! I don't want to be past my due date and then deliver a 10 pound baby (which is totally possible given the size of my previous children).

Pretty much everything I've read online about natural induction says, "If your body is ready then these could help..." well why isn't my body ready?! All the numbers seem like it should be ready. So I wait. Impatiently.. I wait.

I hate feeling frustrated and discouraged, especially over something you CAN'T control.

As we were getting ready to go out for our daily walk I forgot that the chain on Jayden's bike came off yesterday. So after getting all the water bottles filled and everyone's clothes and shoes on, we get all the way to the sidewalk and I realize Jayden can't ride his bike, which means we can't go for a walk and it totally spoiled my plans. So I got down and started trying to fix it myself. I had no clue what I was doing and quite frankly I was about to start crying because I was so frustrated. After about 5 minutes of trying to figure it out, I somehow got it back on properly. So we were still able to go for our walk. But it was as we were walking that I realized I try so hard to take matters into my own hands then get so frustrated when they don't work out. How old will I be when I finally learn to just relax and rely on the Lord and know that He has the perfect plan.

The doctor who delivered both Jayden and Gabriella told me, "God made pregnancy 9 months long so by the end of it women would be more than willing to go through labor and delivery." It's funny how we're so ready to be done being pregnant that we're ready to go through the most intense pain we've ever experienced.

I know this baby won't stay locked inside of me much longer and we'll have that precious newborn in our arms soon, but darn this waiting game is hard!

Anxiety

The anxiety has kicked in full force. I am 37 weeks pregnant today. Every night I go to bed wondering, "will tonight be the night?" I don't know why I always assume I'm going to go into labor at night... It's really annoying because I'm so tired and all I want to do is sleep as much as I can before the baby gets here, but my body won't cooperate.

Adding to my anxiety is not knowing the gender of the baby. You know the feeling you get right before your 20 week ultrasound, the one where you find out the baby's sex? Well, I'm having that along with the anxiety of not knowing when I'm going into labor, feeling unprepared and scared about what kind of labor and delivery I might have. Part of me is hoping that tomorrow when I go for my ob appointment that the doctor will check me and I'll be like 6cm and she'll just offer to admit me and break my water. :) Since I'm already 3cm dilated it's not that far off right? ha!

My sister brought down the cradle that the new baby will be sleeping in for the first few months. Reality is beginning to set in... we're having another baby. Although I know I'm 37 weeks, I'm already dilating, it's not unlikely for me to go into labor within the next couple of week... It still doesn't seem real. Part of me isn't ready to have another baby and part of me can't wait for the baby to be here. I realize I don't make any sense right now... unless maybe you've been through pregnancy before.

We STILL don't have a name picked out... but it could very well be Abigail Grace or Cooper Levi... Those are the only ones that we both sort of like... neither one of them are official.

These last few weeks of pregnancy are the hardest, but I want to enjoy them as much as possible before my life becomes: sleep, eat, changing diapers, repeat. As well as trying to entertain two very active toddlers.

Here's to motherhood!

It's the final count down!

As of tomorrow I am 36 weeks pregnant! That means the baby is full term and can come out anytime now! :)

I'm convinced the last 4 weeks of pregnancy are really the longest weeks. Once the doctor says, "Now that you're full term, we wouldn't stop your labor if the baby decided to come." So of course, in the back of my mind for 4 weeks I think the baby will come any day now... it's terrible false hope!

We still haven't solidified a name for the baby. We have decided not to push Gabriella into her big girl bed before the baby is born. So we'll be using a cradle that my sister is giving us until Gabs is ready. Which means the baby will be in our room or in the office for awhile.

I've outgrown some of my maternity clothes... which is always slightly annoying. My favorite outfits are skirts (which are all non-maternity) or sweats. I wear Jordan's shirts a lot because they don't make me feel like I'm suffocating.

This is my favorite outfit right now

(My cousin Hailey and me at my Grandma's memorial)

I downloaded a "contraction ap" for my phone, so for fun last night I was timing my braxton hicks. They were coming every 10 minutes and lasting for about 30 seconds - a minute. I only timed it for like 30 minutes because it was right before I went to bed, but I was surprised with how often they were coming. Monday night I was woken up from my sleep because of a strong contraction.

I'm also convinced that during the last few weeks of pregnancy I have the strangest dreams! Last night I dreamt the baby was kicking so hard I could see every detail of it's foot and all the way up to it's knee. Creepy!

Tonight we're preregistering and taking a tour of the hospital. I'm excited to see everything in person and get the registration out of the way. My bag is packed for the hospital, so after tonight we're ready to have this baby! :)

Why I LOVE being "momma"...

Sometimes motherhood can become overwhelming and you feel like you're at your wits end. Then there are other times when you are so in love and your heart overflows because you can't get enough of your children. It's easy to lose sight of the latter when you're feeling stressed out.

Sunday on our way to church we were listening to a Jesus Culture CD and I heard the littlest voice coming from the backseat singing the words to the song. Before Jayden was born God told us he would be a worshipper. He's super into music and learning to play instruments already. As we were listening to Jayden sing the lyrics to the song I started crying, maybe it's because I'm pregnant, but I think the real reason is because he's learning to love God even from a young age. I never experienced God until I was an young teenager, so it blesses my heart to watch my kids learn and grow in their relationship with God.

"You have taught children and infants
to tell of your strength,
silencing your enemies
and all who oppose you."

Psalm 8:2

A few weeks ago Jayden's Sunday school teacher brought his guitar to sing songs with the kids. After the service he told Jordan that Jayden was the only one who knew and would sing the words to the "B-I-B-L-E" song. We sing this song everyday in our house and even Gabriella sings along... although it sounds more like "e-i-e-i-e bible!" ha! I was so proud of him that he isn't afraid to sing out the praise of God!

As rambunctious and energetic as Jayden can be, he's also very sweet and loving. We were watching the Curious George movie a couple months ago and towards the end there is a sad part where George is going back to the jungle without his friend 'the man with the yellow hat'. I looked over at Jayden and he had big tears in his eyes. When I asked him what was wrong he just broke down crying. He does have a very sensitive spot in his heart that might not always show, but it's there.

Then there is Gabriella who the world is just in love with. It doesn't take much to fall in love with her. Not only is she very adorable, she's extremely sweet and calm. She's also an extremely nurturing child. Jordan will fall on the ground and pretend to be hurt and she'll rush over to him and kiss him and ask if he's okay... literally EVERY single time! One time he pretended to fall down the stairs and she started crying, working her way towards him until she could check on him to make sure he was okay. When I ask her where the baby is, she'll lift up my shirt and rub my belly give it hugs and kisses.

Gabri just has a way with people. There is something about her that people are drawn to. I believe she has a gift and will be able to reach many people because of it.

It's interesting watching my babies start to develop their personalities. I often think about their giftings and callings and where God will take them and how even now at 1 and 2 they are being shaped and molded for the rest of their lives. I want to be the best example of what it means to love God and serve Him, so that my children will WANT to follow in the same footsteps.