No Joy

Warning: This is not a very positive post.

I realized today that I've lost my joy as a stay at home mom. I've been home for over a year and a half and it's been an up and down ride. There are days I wake up and I couldn't imagine having to go to work again and leave my kids with someone else. Then there are days where I would do anything just to get out of the house and go work and be productive and have a good chunk of time away from the kids.

Having a 3 year old, an almost 2 year old and a newborn feels like it's a bit more than I can handle right now. I really want to put Jayden in preschool because I think he NEEDS it. I think the social interaction, the learning environment and the time away from his siblings and me would be very beneficial for him. However, preschool tuition is not in our budget.. at all. So this leads me to my next question.. Is it time for this momma to go back to work?

I wouldn't want to work full time and I would want to work a schedule that would allow the kids to be home with Jordan so we don't have to pay for daycare. I'm really to the point now where I feel like something needs to change in our situation. I'm tired of struggling every single month. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck and barely getting by. I don't want to just survive, I want to thrive. (pardon the cheesy line, but it's true.)

Maybe part of this is me still adjusting to being a mother of 3. I'm realizing that Jayden needs to be doing more concentrated learning and activities, but with my hands full of the other two, his needs aren't being met. Even when I try to sit down and do some activity with him it seems like one of the other kids (or myself) needs something.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I don't want to feel like I can barely keep my head above water. I want to be that mom that teaches her kids to read and write and how to do math and does science experiments and activities, but I have no motivation to do any of it. Jayden is also to the point of not taking a nap everyday, which means I could be doing stuff with him in the afternoon, but by golly! I need time to MYSELF. And I'm not talking about going the the grocery store alone for 30 minutes after Jordan gets home from work. I need a serious time out from mommy world.

Last week my sister stopped by for about 2.5 minutes just to pick up some stuff I had for her. I can't tell you how badly I needed that little time just to see another adult and chat... even if it was seriously less than 5 minutes. This is how desperate I have become.

I'm sorry for the negative post, I just really needed to get this off my chest. Also, I promise to do something about my attitude and situation. I don't like who I am right now as "the grouchy mom" and I want to change.

Birthday Boy!

My first born turned 3 years old over the weekend. I really wanted to do a cool birthday party for him this year, but it just didn't happen. Hopefully next year! :)

Friday I got my wisdom teeth extracted. I've had this appointment schedule for awhile, so when I was planning his party I made sure that we weren't going to be doing anything over the top. We had it at a park in our neighborhood with just family and some of our closest friends.

Jayden requested doughnuts for his birthday breakfast, chocolate cupcakes and watermelon for his party. So that is what he got.

Since Jayden is really into hotwheels and the Cars movies, most of his presents consisted of cars in some form or fashion. He was so excited he didn't even eat dinner that night because he just wanted to play with his toys. It also took him an hour and half to go to sleep because he was so wound up from the days activities... and probably all the sugar.

Here are few pictures from the party.

Jayden's response to, "Give me a big smile"...

Gabriella eating a sucker from her auntie Erika

Levi enjoying the party

Erika, Steven and Jordan

Blogs and Inspiration

I love blogs. I've become "obsessed" according to my husband. The thing I really like about blogs is taking other peoples design ideas, diy's, recipes and parenting tips. So I wanted to share with you a few things I've tried from other people's blogs.

1. Homemade mac and cheese.

This is the easiest recipe for homemade mac and cheese. Honestly, you won't find an easier one. My sister found this one and shared it with me.

• 3 c. Whole Milk
• 1 1/2 c. Elbow Pasta
• 1 c. Cheddar Cheese

In a medium sauce pan place milk and pasta over medium heat. Stir for 15 minutes (or until pasta is al dente). Add cheese and stir. Salt and pepper to taste.

That's it. It's super easy. We eat this about once a week and my kids love it.

2. Homemade cheese crackers.

I got this recipe from smilemonster.blogspot.com from one of their link parties. It's like homemade gold fish crackers, but better.

• 4 Tbsp. Butter
• 1 1/2 c. Cheddar Cheese
• 2/3 c. Flour
• 1/8 tsp. Onion Powder

Combine in a food processor. Roll out dough on a cutting board. Using a very small cookie cutter cut out your crackers. Place on a cookie sheet and bake for 12-15 minutes at 350 degrees.

*I don't have a really small cookie cutter, so I used the star shape and then cut the triangles off and cooked the triangles. It takes forever, so I really need to invest in a tiny cookie cutter for this recipe.

3. DIY Nursing Pads.

I hate buying the boxes of nursing pads at the store for $10. I knew this time around I wanted reusable, cloth nursing pads. So I started looking last night and found them to be super expensive. So I googled "DIY nursing pads and found a blog that had directions. The best part is that the pads were free to make and I can reuse them.

You'll need:

• 8- 5 inch circles of flannel. (Cut up a receiving blanket)
• Scissors
• Sewing machine

1. Take 4 of your circles and place them all together.
2. Sew a straight stitch around the edge of your circle.
3. Next trim the excess fabric.
4. Do a zig-zag stitch around the edge to prevent the pads from fraying.
5. Starting from the center, sew a straight stitch all the way to the edge of the pad, creating a dart.

Jordan and I had a friendly little competition to see who could make these better. I think I won. Although mine aren't a perfect circle, they're prettier I think. I now have two sets of these! :)

The nursing pads I made..

The nursing pads Jordan made

4. DIY Swaddle Blanket.

When Jayden was a newborn a friend of ours let us borrow " The Happiest Baby On The Block" DVD. This guy gives you 5 tips to calm a crying baby. I bet Youtube.com has the video if you're interested. Anyways, one of the tips is to swaddle your baby. And not this little wrap the baby nicely swaddle. I mean you swaddle the baby so they can't get their arms out it's so tight. We've done this with all of our kids and it's worked for all of them. They sleep better when they're swaddled. And if you say, "My baby doesn't like to be swaddled." It's probably because you're not doing it tight enough. :) Or maybe they don't like it.. I don't know. Ha!

To make your own swaddle blankets that are big enough to swaddle a newborn- 3 month old you need:

• 1 yard of flannel fabric
• a sewing machine/serger

When I had Gabriella I had my sister use her mother-in-law's serger and serge the edges of the material, but when Levi was born her mother-in-law had just moved and their stuff was still in boxes... or at least that's what my sister told me... :) So I put my husband to work and he got out our little dinky sewing machine. All you have to do is a zig-zag stitch around the edge of the material. (which if you ask my husband, he'll tell you that he invented that stitch.. he didn't though, so don't believe him.)

5. Design inspiration

Ohdeedoh.com

I love taking "tours" of other people's homes and getting inspiration from them. I literally spent hours looking at this site last week.

First Two Weeks

It's been 13 days since Levi joined our family. I'm so happy that he's here and we're all adjusting well to the new addition. I love that his name means "joined in harmony", I think it fits perfectly.

The first week home was great. Jordan got the entire week off of work. Also some of our friends and family brought us meals everyday. This is the first time anyone has ever organized meals for us after we had a baby and I can't say enough about what a huge blessing it was.

The sleepless nights haven't been too bad. I think I've been running off adrenaline because I'm fine until I sit down and relax for longer than 30 minutes. If I sit for too long I feel like I won't be able to get up or keep my eyes open!

The kids have been amazing. Gabriella really loves her baby brother. She's constantly asking to hold him and kiss him. Jayden wasn't as excited the first week, but I've been very impressed with how affectionate he's been this second week. He randomly walks up to Levi and kisses him gently on the head or strokes his arm. We were in the car the other day and Levi was hungry but we were still about 20 minutes from home so he was very upset. Jayden grabbed his pacifier and started trying to put it in Levi's mouth. It was precious. He was very sweetly saying, "come on, open, open. It's okay Levi."

Breastfeeding is going great. Levi hasn't had any formula and I don't think I'll have to supplement since I've been able to pump and freeze milk. It is very interesting having two curious toddlers when I'm nursing or pumping. They ask some funny questions. They also want to help... which can be slightly awkward. :)

And for some big news..... The kids have been sharing a room since Tuesday!!! Jordan decided it was time for Gabriella to sleep in her big girl bed. The first couple nights were a little rough on both the kids, but surprisingly it's been harder on Jayden than has been on Gabri. I've been putting Gabri in her crib for nap time still because Jayden doesn't always go to sleep right away and takes much shorter naps, so until I feel up to the challenge of getting them both to nap together, I'm letting her have the crib.

Being home alone with all three kids hasn't been too bad. It's actually been easier than I thought. I even took them all out by myself! We only went to my mom's house, but I still did it all by myself! :) Maybe next week we'll venture out to the store or the library?!