Maybe it's postpartum, maybe its my birth control, maybe it's sleep deprivation, I don't know.. but I feel like my hormones are all out of balance. I'm a pretty emotional person as it is, so this is just over the top. I can pretty much cry over the smallest things or get angry over the smallest things. It's really annoying.
I'm beginning to realize that I need to make a choice about my emotions and how I allow them to control me. Parenting is hard enough as it is, but when emotions get in the way it makes it even harder. I want to be consistent in my parenting and disciplining, but it's very hard when I let my emotions take over.
I have to literally remind myself that I don't need to get emotional over something I watch on TV or when Jayden cries at preschool or because I didn't get to eat breakfast before church. Once I realize that I'm allowing my emotions to take over it's like I can see the situation clearly and gain my composure.
Another example is my relationship with my husband. Here is a situation from the other night: I was exhausted, I only had like 4 or 5 hours of sleep from the night before and it was late. We were watching Parenthood on Netflix and the episode ended. I wanted to go to bed, but Jordan insisted on watching one more episode. The kitchen still needed to be cleaned as well... So after watching about 3 minutes of the next episode I passed out on the couch. When it ended Jordan woke me up.. and I wasn't too happy about it. It was my fault that I didn't clean the kitchen and go to bed, I choose to sleep on the couch instead. Within the first 30 seconds of being awake I realized I could get really annoyed and angry about being so tired and just wanting to go to bed, or I could keep my mouth shut and do my chores.
I choose the ladder. It was hard. I just wanted to go off about how tired I was and how I didn't want to do the dishes and just be mean... but I didn't. And when I finally was in bed and ready to go to sleep I felt so much better about the situation.
Growing up I was always getting in trouble for my mouth... I had a bad problem of talking back and being ms. chatty cathy! My nick name at one point was motor mouth. But the Bible tells us that we need to control our tongue.
"Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything." Proverbs 13:3
"...be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry." James 1:19
Whether it's my children, my husband or some stranger on the street, I have to learn how to control my emotions and my tongue. I'm trying to set an example for my children to live by and I can't expect them to do as I say, not as I do. I have slip-ups and days where I allow my emotions to control me, but I'm trying to change that. I want to set the best example for my children that I can.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Sometimes You Have To Cheat..
So after another several days of pumping and supplementing with formula we went back to the lactation consultant's office to have Levi weighed. Good news, he gained 5oz in 5 days! That's a huge praise the Lord! The "cheating" part was that Levi had a poopy diaper when I was undressing him to weigh him... so she kept his diaper on and counted it towards his weight. If he would have pooped an hour after his appointment than he would have weighed more anyways... so whatever! ;) The LC said, "Sometimes you just have to cheat a little in life!" haha
On Thanksgiving I was really scared I would have to give up breastfeeding in order for Levi to gain weight and it honestly grieved my heart. I know it might sound silly to some people, but I'm really not ready to give it up. I'm so blessed with a wonderful friend who has gone through this exact same thing with one of her sons and she just sat and talked with me as I cried over the idea of weaning Levi at only 4 months.
It's funny to me how much my feelings toward breastfeeding have changed since Jayden was born. Jayden was 4 months old when I weaned him and it wasn't a big deal to me. I was ready to be done and it was just more convenient for all of us. Then Gabriella didn't give me an option so I stuck with it because I had to. And now with Levi I really want to breastfeed him for an entire year.
I've had to throw pretty much everything I know about babies and breastfeeding out the window. I'm not doing a schedule and I'm not deciding when he can or cannot eat. I'm going to let him eat whenever he seems hungry so that he gets milk whenever he wants. Also, the LC suggested "topping him off". So after I let Levi nurse until he's finished I'll give him 1oz of formula. Hopefully, this will help!
On Thanksgiving I was really scared I would have to give up breastfeeding in order for Levi to gain weight and it honestly grieved my heart. I know it might sound silly to some people, but I'm really not ready to give it up. I'm so blessed with a wonderful friend who has gone through this exact same thing with one of her sons and she just sat and talked with me as I cried over the idea of weaning Levi at only 4 months.
It's funny to me how much my feelings toward breastfeeding have changed since Jayden was born. Jayden was 4 months old when I weaned him and it wasn't a big deal to me. I was ready to be done and it was just more convenient for all of us. Then Gabriella didn't give me an option so I stuck with it because I had to. And now with Levi I really want to breastfeed him for an entire year.
I've had to throw pretty much everything I know about babies and breastfeeding out the window. I'm not doing a schedule and I'm not deciding when he can or cannot eat. I'm going to let him eat whenever he seems hungry so that he gets milk whenever he wants. Also, the LC suggested "topping him off". So after I let Levi nurse until he's finished I'll give him 1oz of formula. Hopefully, this will help!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Back To Square One
After about a week and a half of trying to focus on Levi's feedings and making sure he was getting a full feeding, we went to the lactation specialist to have him weighed and see if we were progressing. Unfortunately, Levi is 2 ounces less than he was at his 2 month appointment. :(
So we're back to square one. I'm pumping every feeding until Friday when we'll go back to the LC office and have Levi weighed again. I'm also supplementing with formula when I don't pump enough milk. It's super frustrating. I just don't really understand why or how. I honestly don't feel like anything has changed, so why is this an issue?!
I really love working with the LC. She's very patient and understanding. Some things that she recommended were adding a lot of the "good fatty foods" to my diet. Examples: olive oil, oatmeal, greek yogurt, avocados, milk shakes, protein shakes, etc. I love all of those things, so that's not a problem... I'll take any excuse I can to eat more avocados! :)
After chatting with a friend of mine who loves talking about pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding she really encouraged me. She told me to pray over my breast, breast milk and Levi. And she encouraged me by reminding me that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. (I will praise Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:14) I believe that God can cause my body to make the milk I need to feed my son and that my milk will be enough in volume and enough nutrients so Levi can gain weight.
It's challenging for me to have to try this hard to have good milk when I JUST went through a year of breastfeeding with no problems. I know every child is different, but it's just frustrating to have such success and then to struggle.
And can I just say, I really don't enjoy pumping... at all. And formula spit up is so gross! ha!
One more thing. I know that breast milk is the best thing for my baby. I truly believe that. But if my son isn't benefitting from it and he's not gaining weight, than I'm okay with giving him formula. I'd rather not starve my child.
So we're back to square one. I'm pumping every feeding until Friday when we'll go back to the LC office and have Levi weighed again. I'm also supplementing with formula when I don't pump enough milk. It's super frustrating. I just don't really understand why or how. I honestly don't feel like anything has changed, so why is this an issue?!
I really love working with the LC. She's very patient and understanding. Some things that she recommended were adding a lot of the "good fatty foods" to my diet. Examples: olive oil, oatmeal, greek yogurt, avocados, milk shakes, protein shakes, etc. I love all of those things, so that's not a problem... I'll take any excuse I can to eat more avocados! :)
After chatting with a friend of mine who loves talking about pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding she really encouraged me. She told me to pray over my breast, breast milk and Levi. And she encouraged me by reminding me that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. (I will praise Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:14) I believe that God can cause my body to make the milk I need to feed my son and that my milk will be enough in volume and enough nutrients so Levi can gain weight.
It's challenging for me to have to try this hard to have good milk when I JUST went through a year of breastfeeding with no problems. I know every child is different, but it's just frustrating to have such success and then to struggle.
And can I just say, I really don't enjoy pumping... at all. And formula spit up is so gross! ha!
One more thing. I know that breast milk is the best thing for my baby. I truly believe that. But if my son isn't benefitting from it and he's not gaining weight, than I'm okay with giving him formula. I'd rather not starve my child.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Kids Book Shelves
A while ago I saw this post on pinterest for kids book shelves made from ikea spice racks. I've really been wanting book shelves where the books' covers are facing out so the kids can see them. I've found that when they're on a regular book shelf the kids pull off every single book looking for the one they want. Since they can't read and they don't know what the book is simply by looking at the binding they make a huge mess looking for the one they want.
Anyways, while shopping at IKEA a few weeks ago I showed Jordan the shelves and asked him what he thought about using them for book shelves. Of course his first response was, "I can build something better than that". Well that's great, but after I factor in the cost of materials + the time it would take him to build it + plus him ACTUALLY COMPLETING this project I really just wanted to buy the shelves that day. But I know Jordan really likes to take on these projects and they always come out great!
I was very surprised that it didn't take him very long to build them. It cost $13 and he was able to assemble them and hang them in only a couple hours. He also stained them to match their beds and dresser.
Check it out!
The kids love them! They are able to find the book they want and even better, they're able to put the books back by themselves!
Anyways, while shopping at IKEA a few weeks ago I showed Jordan the shelves and asked him what he thought about using them for book shelves. Of course his first response was, "I can build something better than that". Well that's great, but after I factor in the cost of materials + the time it would take him to build it + plus him ACTUALLY COMPLETING this project I really just wanted to buy the shelves that day. But I know Jordan really likes to take on these projects and they always come out great!
I was very surprised that it didn't take him very long to build them. It cost $13 and he was able to assemble them and hang them in only a couple hours. He also stained them to match their beds and dresser.
Check it out!
The kids love them! They are able to find the book they want and even better, they're able to put the books back by themselves!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
A Day Of Firsts..
Today was a day of firsts in the Wertzbaugher family.
I noticed this morning that Levi is in fact getting his first tooth... It will probably be here right as he turns 4 months, just like his siblings. I can't believe it. He seems way too little to have his first tooth. I still feel I should be counting his age in weeks, not months. These kids just grow too fast.
Levi had another "first" today. He got his first hair cut. He had this awkward area of hair on the crown of his head that was like 2 inches longer than the rest of his hair and so Jordan and I cut it off tonight. The sentimental side of me wanted to wait until he had a lot more hair to cut so it would be a little more impressive for his baby book, but we still got a little patch of hair to go in a baggy. haha
And lastly, we had a very scary first. Jordan dropped me, Gabriella and Levi off at Target to start grocery shopping while he and Jayden went to Home Depot. We finished our grocery shopping and we were checking the baby clearance for pants for Gabri. I had just told her to get off the self where all the stroller boxes are, I looked back at the pants picked up her size and when I looked back for her.... she was gone. Every parents worst nightmare... I lost my daughter at Target. I figured she was on the other side of the display so I strolled the cart over and she wasn't there. I went in circles looking for her for about 3 minutes and then told an employee what happened. She sent out a "code yellow" with Gabriella's description. About 30 seconds later I found another employee looking for my daughter and over the walkie-talkie they announced that they had found her and she was with my husband.... I was so confused! It turns out Gabriella was in the dollar section and saw Jordan and Jayden walk by. She sweetly said, "Hi Daddy!". Jordan looked around and didn't see me so they started heading towards the women's clothing when the employee that I first talked to said, "Oh you found her!". Jordan didn't realize she was ever lost. Then I turned the corner and had to explain the whole thing to him.
Praise the Lord nothing happened to her. I was so frantic and just praying asking God to bring her to me. It was seriously one of the most scariest things I've ever experienced as a mother. Another lesson learned today: NEVER TAKE YOUR EYES OFF A 2 YEAR OLD!
I noticed this morning that Levi is in fact getting his first tooth... It will probably be here right as he turns 4 months, just like his siblings. I can't believe it. He seems way too little to have his first tooth. I still feel I should be counting his age in weeks, not months. These kids just grow too fast.
Levi had another "first" today. He got his first hair cut. He had this awkward area of hair on the crown of his head that was like 2 inches longer than the rest of his hair and so Jordan and I cut it off tonight. The sentimental side of me wanted to wait until he had a lot more hair to cut so it would be a little more impressive for his baby book, but we still got a little patch of hair to go in a baggy. haha
And lastly, we had a very scary first. Jordan dropped me, Gabriella and Levi off at Target to start grocery shopping while he and Jayden went to Home Depot. We finished our grocery shopping and we were checking the baby clearance for pants for Gabri. I had just told her to get off the self where all the stroller boxes are, I looked back at the pants picked up her size and when I looked back for her.... she was gone. Every parents worst nightmare... I lost my daughter at Target. I figured she was on the other side of the display so I strolled the cart over and she wasn't there. I went in circles looking for her for about 3 minutes and then told an employee what happened. She sent out a "code yellow" with Gabriella's description. About 30 seconds later I found another employee looking for my daughter and over the walkie-talkie they announced that they had found her and she was with my husband.... I was so confused! It turns out Gabriella was in the dollar section and saw Jordan and Jayden walk by. She sweetly said, "Hi Daddy!". Jordan looked around and didn't see me so they started heading towards the women's clothing when the employee that I first talked to said, "Oh you found her!". Jordan didn't realize she was ever lost. Then I turned the corner and had to explain the whole thing to him.
Praise the Lord nothing happened to her. I was so frantic and just praying asking God to bring her to me. It was seriously one of the most scariest things I've ever experienced as a mother. Another lesson learned today: NEVER TAKE YOUR EYES OFF A 2 YEAR OLD!
Update On Levi
After a rather dull doctor's appointment, the pediatrician recommended that we speak with a lactation consultant. It was good to hear that Levi is in good health and that there isn't anything wrong with him and he actually was up to 13lbs 2oz (up 3 oz).
I decided to work with the lactation consultants from the hospital that my older kids were born at because I really enjoyed working with them the first two times. I filled her in on my situation and what was going on with Levi. She asked me to pump for 24 hours to get an idea of how much I was producing. It was a long 24 hours. I don't enjoy pumping and washing bottles, but again, it was good to know where I was at. I consistently got about 4oz, which she said was a good amount for a 3 month old. So we came to the conclusion that my milk is fine and the problem is most likely distracted and rushed feedings. Some time next weekend we'll take him to the lactation consultant's office and have him weighed and talk about how things are going. It's so great to have those free resources available!
I'm so thankful for the mommy friends I have and all their helpful advice. All the support I've received about this has been overwhelming and so comforting. A friend of mine gave me some mother's milk tea and let me tell you, that stuff WORKS! I've had two cups of tea since last night and my milk production has gone up quite a bit! So I'd highly recommend it to any other breastfeeding mom.
The biggest thing right now is that I'm aware of the problem and having that at the front of my mind will be the biggest factor with Levi's weight gain. I feel bad that I haven't made his eating times a priority and I've allowed other things to get in our way, but lesson learned.
Levs is still a very happy and active baby. And since he's been getting full feedings he's sleeping SO much better, last night he slept from 10pm-6am!!! A full tummy really makes a difference.
Thanks again for all your help!!!
I decided to work with the lactation consultants from the hospital that my older kids were born at because I really enjoyed working with them the first two times. I filled her in on my situation and what was going on with Levi. She asked me to pump for 24 hours to get an idea of how much I was producing. It was a long 24 hours. I don't enjoy pumping and washing bottles, but again, it was good to know where I was at. I consistently got about 4oz, which she said was a good amount for a 3 month old. So we came to the conclusion that my milk is fine and the problem is most likely distracted and rushed feedings. Some time next weekend we'll take him to the lactation consultant's office and have him weighed and talk about how things are going. It's so great to have those free resources available!
I'm so thankful for the mommy friends I have and all their helpful advice. All the support I've received about this has been overwhelming and so comforting. A friend of mine gave me some mother's milk tea and let me tell you, that stuff WORKS! I've had two cups of tea since last night and my milk production has gone up quite a bit! So I'd highly recommend it to any other breastfeeding mom.
The biggest thing right now is that I'm aware of the problem and having that at the front of my mind will be the biggest factor with Levi's weight gain. I feel bad that I haven't made his eating times a priority and I've allowed other things to get in our way, but lesson learned.
Levs is still a very happy and active baby. And since he's been getting full feedings he's sleeping SO much better, last night he slept from 10pm-6am!!! A full tummy really makes a difference.
Thanks again for all your help!!!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Levi's Weight
At Levi's two month appointment he weighed 12lbs 14oz. Last week at our WIC appointment he weighed 12lbs 15oz. I couldn't exactly remember how much he weighed at his last dr. appointment so I called to ask and talk to them about his weight gain or lack there of. I've noticed over the last couple weeks that he seemed little and his clothes are kind of big on him instead of him filling them out. With Levi being my third child I know what to look for and I know what's normal and what isn't. So far normal has been steady weight gain, like a pound (or more) a month.
After calling the doctor's office and realizing that he's only gained one ounce in the last month I began to worry, as any mom would. Levi has been exclusively breast fed. He's had a bottle maybe 3 times so far, so I don't truly know how much he's getting to eat at each feeding. I just assumed it was enough. I didn't have any problems breastfeeding Gabriella and to be honest, she was quite chunky during that time. I'm not used to having skinny babies!! It's hard not to feel guilty for Levi not gaining weight. I'm his source of food, obviously I am the problem here, right? It's hard not to feel insecure about myself as a mom when something like this happens.
The nurse suggested pumping to see how much milk I'm producing and then today I'm taking Levi in to have him weighed, examined and then I'll feed him and they'll re-weigh him after he eats to see how much milk he's consuming. I pumped twice yesterday and both times got about 4 ounces. I think 4 ounces is a good amount for a 3 month old...
So then my mind starts to figure out what the problem is and how to solve it....
-Are we too distracted during feedings?? Should I pump and then give him a bottle to make sure he's actually getting a full feeding?
-Is my milk bad? Will I have to switch to formula? --this totally makes me want to cry. I really enjoy breastfeeding and the bond I feel from it. It's a very short time that I get to breastfeed my child and I don't want it cut it even shorter.
-Is everything okay with Levi??
-Is Levi burning more calories than he's consuming? Should we start rice cereal or supplementing with formula?
These are all questions I'm sure the doctor can help me with. It's just hard being a mom and not knowing what to do. And even worse, feeling like you're some how failing. Any advice?
After calling the doctor's office and realizing that he's only gained one ounce in the last month I began to worry, as any mom would. Levi has been exclusively breast fed. He's had a bottle maybe 3 times so far, so I don't truly know how much he's getting to eat at each feeding. I just assumed it was enough. I didn't have any problems breastfeeding Gabriella and to be honest, she was quite chunky during that time. I'm not used to having skinny babies!! It's hard not to feel guilty for Levi not gaining weight. I'm his source of food, obviously I am the problem here, right? It's hard not to feel insecure about myself as a mom when something like this happens.
The nurse suggested pumping to see how much milk I'm producing and then today I'm taking Levi in to have him weighed, examined and then I'll feed him and they'll re-weigh him after he eats to see how much milk he's consuming. I pumped twice yesterday and both times got about 4 ounces. I think 4 ounces is a good amount for a 3 month old...
So then my mind starts to figure out what the problem is and how to solve it....
-Are we too distracted during feedings?? Should I pump and then give him a bottle to make sure he's actually getting a full feeding?
-Is my milk bad? Will I have to switch to formula? --this totally makes me want to cry. I really enjoy breastfeeding and the bond I feel from it. It's a very short time that I get to breastfeed my child and I don't want it cut it even shorter.
-Is everything okay with Levi??
-Is Levi burning more calories than he's consuming? Should we start rice cereal or supplementing with formula?
These are all questions I'm sure the doctor can help me with. It's just hard being a mom and not knowing what to do. And even worse, feeling like you're some how failing. Any advice?
Getting Out There
I've been "getting out there" lately. I'm tired of me and the kids being home all day and sometimes never even leaving the house. I need that social interaction and let's face it, Facebook and Pinterest isn't enough! So last Sunday I signed the kids up for story time at the library for Monday. Well that day our refrigerator broke and Jordan was home sick with a stomach bug. So I ended up taking just Jayden and Gabriella to the library and left Levi and Jordan home to fix the refrigerator. It was the perfect way to ease ourselves back into things after having Levi. I was able to catch up with a mom that I met about a year ago and I realized how much we all enjoy our library visits. I've decided I need to "buck up little campers" and make going to the library a priority. This week I took all 3 kids to the library for their "music and movement" class. I decided it will be a better class for us because the parents just sit and watch and the kids follow the teacher and dance with her. I was able to hold Levi and enjoy watching the kids dance without being pulled in 3 different directions. It was a success!
I've been looking into mom groups in my area, but haven't really found one that I really want to go to. They all seem to cost money and honestly, we can't afford any extra things right now. So I was going to call some churches in town to see if they have a women's bible study or a mom's group. I called one church and no one answered, so I decided to call the church that has an AWANA program that we took Jayden and Gabri to for awhile. It turns out they have a mommy's coffee group with FREE child care and FREE coffee.. and not just coffee from a pot, but like STARBUCKS kind of coffee... like mochas and frappuccinos!! Side note- since I quit my job to be a stay at home mom (about 2 years ago) I've probably had starbucks less than 10 times.. maybe like 5 times. So we went to our first meeting today and it was great. I left feeling totally encouraged and empowered. We talked about discipling and how we feel about it and what the Bible says about it. I really feel like these are women that I can relate to and they are going through the same things as me. Plus, my kids are able to get social interaction themselves! It's great all around!
In less than 2 weeks Jayden will be starting a preschool class at the Rec Center. I'm thankful Jordan will be home for Thanksgiving break so he can go with us to drop Jayden off for the first time.
I'm looking forward to having a busy schedule and things for us to do besides sit at home all day.
I've been looking into mom groups in my area, but haven't really found one that I really want to go to. They all seem to cost money and honestly, we can't afford any extra things right now. So I was going to call some churches in town to see if they have a women's bible study or a mom's group. I called one church and no one answered, so I decided to call the church that has an AWANA program that we took Jayden and Gabri to for awhile. It turns out they have a mommy's coffee group with FREE child care and FREE coffee.. and not just coffee from a pot, but like STARBUCKS kind of coffee... like mochas and frappuccinos!! Side note- since I quit my job to be a stay at home mom (about 2 years ago) I've probably had starbucks less than 10 times.. maybe like 5 times. So we went to our first meeting today and it was great. I left feeling totally encouraged and empowered. We talked about discipling and how we feel about it and what the Bible says about it. I really feel like these are women that I can relate to and they are going through the same things as me. Plus, my kids are able to get social interaction themselves! It's great all around!
In less than 2 weeks Jayden will be starting a preschool class at the Rec Center. I'm thankful Jordan will be home for Thanksgiving break so he can go with us to drop Jayden off for the first time.
I'm looking forward to having a busy schedule and things for us to do besides sit at home all day.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Best Daddy
Jordan is very fortunate that his work follows the school district. So when they have a day off, so does he... including SNOW DAYS!! Today was one of those wonderful snow days!! This morning I let him sleep in and when he came down stairs we were still eating breakfast. I took Gabriella up stairs to use the potty and while we were gone Jayden put his sweet little hand on Jordan's shoulder and said, "You're the best daddy in the whole world!" When we came downstairs Jordan told me what Jayden said.
When Jayden was born Jordan and I were both only 21 years old. We were young and Jordan didn't have very much experience with kids and people would tease him about becoming a dad. We both had a lot to learn about becoming parents. But today as I listened to the kids laughing as they were playing with their daddy and how excited they were to spend the day with him, it made me think that fatherhood has come early and fast in his life but he's turned out to be a pretty incredible dad. We still have lots to learn, but we make a great team and we have great kids.
While Levi was napping Jordan took Jayden and Gabriella outside to play in the fresh snow. Here is a little peek at their sledding adventure!
I took the above picture through the glass door so it's kind of foggy,
but Jayden's face is too cute not to share!
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