Warning: This is not a very positive post.
Having a 3 year old, an almost 2 year old and a newborn feels like it's a bit more than I can handle right now. I really want to put Jayden in preschool because I think he NEEDS it. I think the social interaction, the learning environment and the time away from his siblings and me would be very beneficial for him. However, preschool tuition is not in our budget.. at all. So this leads me to my next question.. Is it time for this momma to go back to work?
I wouldn't want to work full time and I would want to work a schedule that would allow the kids to be home with Jordan so we don't have to pay for daycare. I'm really to the point now where I feel like something needs to change in our situation. I'm tired of struggling every single month. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck and barely getting by. I don't want to just survive, I want to thrive. (pardon the cheesy line, but it's true.)
Maybe part of this is me still adjusting to being a mother of 3. I'm realizing that Jayden needs to be doing more concentrated learning and activities, but with my hands full of the other two, his needs aren't being met. Even when I try to sit down and do some activity with him it seems like one of the other kids (or myself) needs something.
I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I don't want to feel like I can barely keep my head above water. I want to be that mom that teaches her kids to read and write and how to do math and does science experiments and activities, but I have no motivation to do any of it. Jayden is also to the point of not taking a nap everyday, which means I could be doing stuff with him in the afternoon, but by golly! I need time to MYSELF. And I'm not talking about going the the grocery store alone for 30 minutes after Jordan gets home from work. I need a serious time out from mommy world.
Last week my sister stopped by for about 2.5 minutes just to pick up some stuff I had for her. I can't tell you how badly I needed that little time just to see another adult and chat... even if it was seriously less than 5 minutes. This is how desperate I have become.
I'm sorry for the negative post, I just really needed to get this off my chest. Also, I promise to do something about my attitude and situation. I don't like who I am right now as "the grouchy mom" and I want to change.
Sorry you're feeling so down. I can't imagine how difficult it is to be a mommy of three young children. Kudos to you for handling it as well as you are. I wish I had words of wisdom but I'm a novice to the mommy world and have my hands full with just one! I will pray for you though. I know God will provide a solution for you!
ReplyDeleteI hear you. Totally. Except I have two part-time jobs . . . . hasn't helped. I'm still in your boat, just with less time. :)
ReplyDeleteThey're only little once! Then you can work your life away. And your hormones are still adjusting, plus you're still adjusting to a new baby. So you're allowed to be grouchy.
Seriously...you are not alone in this! Trust me, working and having two kids is NOT a fun experience. I would much rather be home with them.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this though, made me evaluate my joy with being a mommma and how I am with my kids. I think as of late, I've been in a similar boat...with kids, finances...well...keeping your head above water seems to be my daily swim as of late.
Maybe you could do some kid swapping time with neighbors - if they have older children (Jayden's age), then he could go over there for 40mins or so...and you could take the younger ones and vice versa. Might help a bit.
Hi my dear friend! I'm so sorry you're so down. This made my heart ache to read of your struggle. I wish I could make it all better for you. What I can do is give you a big old hug the next time I see you and pray with you and support you in whatever way I can.
ReplyDeleteMy friend, I so understand what you are going through. I really, really do!! I have been there! I have been lost in motherhood. If I can give you any advice it's this: You've just had your third baby. Your hormones are still adjusting. You're very tired. Just give yourself time. It WILL get better! And as another friend of yours said, they're only young once. Trust me. You'll look back on this and see how quickly it really did pass. I know it doesn't seem like that in the day to day grind of things but it will pass! It will be better!! I know I've been barely home this summer but don't be shy to let me know that you need me. I will be there in a second to help you. I mean that. Love you so very much lovely lady!!