My First Born

I was 21 when I gave birth to my first child. I was totally clueless and completely in love.

Now as we are preparing for the birth of our third baby I wonder how it will be different.

It's a well known fact that parents are always hardest on their first born. My dad says that you always push your first born the hardest and expect the most out of them. He also says that with the baby of the family you will put bricks on their head to keep them from growing up too fast. Although we only have our two children right now, I can already attest to this. We are constantly pushing Jayden and expecting the world of him. The problem with this system is that it never stops. Your first born is the child that taught you what it means to be a parent in the first place and you NEVER stop learning from them (not even when they're 60 years old!).

I wondered how being a big brother at 13 months would effect Jayden and how it would change his life. I worried that I wouldn't be able to share the same love with Gabriella that I felt for Jayden. It's so cliche but it's true. Now I wonder how both of my children will effected by the birth of their new sibling and how it will change their already established relationship.

Being that I'm a middle child and Jordan is the baby, we don't always see the mistakes we are making raising a first born. Will Jayden grow up to be a perfectionist? Will he be a strong leader? Will he have a dominate personality? Who knows!

I do think it's funny how much we can change in our ideas of what it looks like to be a parent. Both my children are so different and we have to parent them differently because of that. Jayden is much more strong willed than Gabri and when we discipline him it looks different than when we discipline miss sensitive. I also wonder if he is strong willed because he's a first born and if she's sensitive because she's a middle child, or if it's because he's a boy and she's a girl...

I hope that the older I get the more understanding and wisdom I will gain of being a mother.

Breast Feeding

I'm officially 20 weeks pregnant, I'm half way through! Woo Hoo!!

So...I thought I'd write a little blog about my experience with breast feeding since it will once again be a huge part of my life in only 20 more weeks.

While I was pregnant with Jayden I knew I would breast feed (BF) him after he was born. I didn't take much time to read anything about BFing or ask many questions because I assumed it was a totally natural thing. I imagined him being born and I'd put him right up to my breast and he'd immediately start nursing away and it would be very beautiful for the both of us.

I apparently was daydreaming, because it didn't go anything like that! I had no clue what I was doing and Jayden was just as clueless. We fought and struggled a lot. The sensation of nursing made my face cringe and my toes curl. It was awkward and painful. Since Jayden was so large (9lbs 8oz) he had a hard time keep up his blood sugar because he wasn't getting enough to eat, so then we would supplement with formula. The first couple weeks were rough. I couldn't get him to latch on right, my breasts were hard as rocks from my milk coming in and even just taking my bra off so I could shower was painful, I was really embarrassed to BF in front of people, etc.

I didn't breastfeed in public because I thought it was weird. Besides, making a bottle and feeding him like that was so much easier and convenient. I didn't realize breastfeeding was a lifestyle. I only lasted 4/5 months with Jayden

Now with Gabriella it was a totally different story. We had that magical connection from the very beginning. She latched on properly right away, I felt comfortable with the whole experience and we were off to a great start. And then she landed herself in the NICU and I was having to pump at home and bring the milk to the hospital, where she would drink it and then throw it all up. She had something funky with her tummy when she was first born and she was very particular about the milk she drank. So she was on formula and I was still pumping away to try and keep my supply up for when she decided she would nurse again.

I only worked for 2 weeks when she was 6 weeks old and then I quit my job to stay home with the kids. So I didn't have to worry about pumping, and I could just nurse her when she needed to eat, rather than having the baby sitter feed her a bottle.

I learned how to nurse her while using a blanket to cover us, I accepted I could only wear certain outfits so that I was able to nurse in public, I got over my fear of what other people think about me being a nursing mother and we had a very successful year. Gabriella only took a bottle a few times during her life and refused it all the other times it was offered, so it kind of forced me to BF, but in the end I'm thankful.

A friend of mine once asked, "Isn't it a hassle to have to make a bottle in the kitchen then feed the baby and go put the bottle in the sink and clean it?" I now realize how much effort it was to have to wash all those bottles!!! I'm glad I was able to be successful with Gabriella and I just hope this next baby and I are able to have a similar success story.

Cold Days

A few weeks ago Colorado got hit with some nasty cold temperatures and during those 2 weeks I almost lost my mind! Having the keep the kids entertained inside all day was a bit of a challenge! I decided next time this happens I will be prepared.

The temperature right now is 27 degrees and it's not exactly "play outside" kind of weather. I saw this day was coming on the forecast so I prepared myself with lots of activities to keep the kids busy and keep my sanity in check.

We started off the morning with Playdoh

..which Gabriella had to taste test.

Followed by hand paintings

(I didn't trust Gabri with green hands so I didn't get a picture of her)

We then moved into the living room for some

cuddle time while watching Curious George

We made chocolate dipped pretzels

The kids thought eating them immediately would

be more fun than waiting for the chocolate to harden

We also made homemade potato soup

(recipe found here)

(please ignore my chipped bowl)

And before nap time we made jello jigglers!!!

Now I just need to find the energy to get dinner in the crock-pot before it gets too late! I'm trying a new recipe. It's called Vegetarian Cassoulet, it should be nice on this cold day! Here is the recipe.

Pregnancy Workouts

A couple weeks ago I solicited advice from my fellow facebookers about a good pregnancy workout. I was working during my previous pregnancies so I was walking a lot and that was my main form of exercise. I walked to the bus, a few blocks downtown to the building I worked in, I was on my feet filing, getting up and down from my desk to the printer, etc. When I went back for a visit recently I realized how much of a workout it was, my thighs were burning by the end of the day!

Anyways, now that I've been a stay at home mom for well over a year I realized I should probably do some kind of a daily workout so I don't gain 60 pounds in this pregnancy. Last year I was nursing and we didn't have a car so I pushed the double stroller with both kids in it (obviously) all over the neighborhood. Now that Jayden prefers to ride his bike and he doesn't ride at a very quick pace, I needed to do something else to burn calories.

All that being said....... A friend of mine suggested 10 Minute Solution: Prenatal Pilates. I found 4 of the 5 10 minute parts on youtube, so instead of buying the DVD I'm just watching the videos on youtube.

It has been so great! I feel great after I workout and it really helps me to feel better about myself and it's puts me in a good mood. I'm really hoping it helps me keep my weight gain to a minimal.

I have a Doctor's appointment this Friday and we have our Systems Review Ultrasound scheduled. This is normally the appointment we'd find out the sex, but we won't be peeking this time! :) I'll also find out how much weight I've gained over the last 4 weeks. :/

stagnate waters

Christianity is made up of two things: Your relationship with God (prayer, the bible, etc.) and your relationship with people (ministry, evangelism, etc.) I like to think of it as a cup. When we spend time with God in prayer and in the Word we are filled up with the Living Water. Then when we minister to people we are pouring out the Living Water to them. We should be completely this cycle on a regular basis. When we only fill our cup and we fail to pour it out we can become stagnate... Do you ever notice how nasty stagnate water is?? For one example that's where mosquitos breed.. Gross!

When we minister to people it challenges us to think, to call back on the scriptures that we've read and to teach them about God. It's so important to pour out. It's important to share the Gospel, not only for the person that you're ministering to, but as a reminder to yourself of where God has brought you from.

I have figured out my problem... the only ministry I'm doing is once a month during one service, working in the nursery. Don't get me wrong, serving those children (and the parents) is a huge thing, but God has called and anointed me to do SO much more. I've really been praying and asking God to show me where it is that I need to be serving.

Rearranging

Over the past two weeks I've realized how I need to rearrange my priorities. I've let so many distractions get in the way of my walk with God and my relationship with my husband and kids. I took some time off Facebook and realized just how much time I've wasted reading pointless status updates and looking through countless photos. Instead I turned up the worship music, opened my Bible and enjoyed a few days of just basking in God's presence. What a difference it makes when I decide to focus on Him.

There are two parts of Christianity that we need to have daily in our walk with God: Prayer and the Word. Both of these things must happen daily, not one or the other, but both. And not just the prayer before meals and before you drift off to sleep but the kind of prayer where you really take time to seek after God's heart. This has been my biggest down fall. I will take the time to read a couple chapters in the Bible but finding time to pray is not always as easy. The Bible says to pray continually.. without ceasing! I've been trying to make this a new habit.

There is something else I realized over the past two weeks. Jesus surrounded himself with a close group of other believers... I am REALLY lacking in this area. Proverbs 27:17 tells us, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." I want to surround myself with friends that challenge me and encourage me. And I also really want a mentor. I've forgotten how valuable it is to have someone that can really speak into my life and how I need that to continue to grow.

These are my New Year's Resolutions:

1. Surround myself with strong Christian friends (who I see more than just at church).

2. Find a mentor.

What A Week!!!!!!!!

In almost four years of marriage Jordan and I had never spent more than 24 hours away from each other, until this last week. He had a week long training in San Fransico for his work. I dropped him off at the airport on Sunday morning, and I pretty much cried off and on all day long! Jayden was really sweet and kept asking me, "It hurt, momma?" and I would reply, "Yes, my heart hurts." He loves his momma! :)

I tried to fill up our schedule as much as possible because I didn't want to get bored. We went to the library, play-dates, downtown Denver, AWANA, game night at the church, visiting family etc. We actually did a lot, but it was hard at nights being by myself. I brought Gabriella to bed with me almost every night. I wasn't interested in sleeping alone.

I definitely realized taking the kids out by myself so many times is just exhausting! I'm so thankful for Jordan and how much he does to help me. I am such a lucky lady.

As soon as Jordan got home we were going non-stop. We bought the kids their new beds and mattresses this weekend. We got Jayden's bed set up last night and he slept in it for the first time. He was so excited he could hardly fall asleep! We also decided to wean Gabriella off her pacifier, she went cold turkey Sunday night. I'm actually surprised she's doing better than Jayden did. She cried 30ish minutes the first night and probably 30 minutes again last night. Today will be a true test when I'm home alone and I have to lay her down for her nap.. I'm hoping by today she'll be completely over not having her "baby" (that's what she calls it).

I really just want to relax and hang out this week. I'm pooped!